The importance of chosen family during the holidays for LGBTQ.

The holidays can be a time of happiness for many, but unfortunately also deep sadness for those estranged from family, especially those of us in LGBTQ community. Many will gather with chosen family because we have been cut off, excluded or banished from family gatherings. This past Thanksgiving, I spent the holiday with a friend that I have known since highschool, and her family. They were one of the first families to accept me as I was, even before I knew or accepted that I was gay.

For years, this family would ( and continues to) show up for me in ways my biological family would not.

As I reminisced with my friend about growing up, and exchanging thoughts about our families, it became evident that we were drawn to each other due to our own feelings of wanting to find ourselves and where we belonged.

Sometimes it takes time to come to terms with what we have to do in order get to that place of belonging. It's hard, because for some of us, that means we have to step away from our biological families, and strike out on our own. In the process, we find others that become our "Chosen Family".

For me, the last straw was this summer, when a series of events caused me to finally step completely away from my mother, who has for years been quite unrelenting in her homophobic comments to me. I could have continued to take the abuse in order to "keep the peace", however it has taken a toll on me over the years, and I finally reached my limit.

Throughout this season, I have looked to example of Jesus, and what He said about family. He had strong words in Luke 14:25-35, which in a way, were actually quite subversive for the time.

Leaving one's family to follow a cause was a complete overturning of the historical expectations of family.

François Bovon, in his book Luke. Hermeneia--a Critical and Historical Commentary on the Bible, explains how the disciples were making a choice and this “choosing [meant] knowing how to give things up, and especially how to part with them.”[xii]

The disciples gave up their families, and followed Jesus. They created a new family unit, one united by their desire to experience the coming kingdom of God ; true life, free from the confines of the religious and cultural expectations of the time.

As I continue on my journey as a gay Christian, I can rest in the assurance that Jesus himself understood what it felt like to be cast away, rejected by the Jewish officials and other family members who did not understand what He came to this earth to do. Fortunately, He was aware of his heavenly father's love, which surpasses the limited earthly conditional love we all experience here on earth.

In Luke 18, Jesus says to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not get back very much more in this age, and in the age to come eternal life” (vv. 29-30).

To all my LGBTQ friends, and those who do not spend holidays with your bio family, don't be discouraged. Celebrate with those that will fully accept you, love you, appreciate you and like my friend Meena says " Give you wings, not weight".

Happy Holidays!